I got the brilliant idea for this post while I was sitting on my couch, trying to prevent my kitten (anyone want a cat, by the way?) from eating my ponytail. I kept checking my phone occasionally (read: every 30 seconds) to see if I had gotten a text from a male I have been seeing for a couple of weeks. I met this male a couple of months ago, when he was seeing my roommate (I know, I know). Things did not work out between them, and, being the opinionated filter-less girl that I am, I gave him a few choice words I thought were fitting to describe his actions. The rest, as they say, is history…and now here I sit, on my couch, playing with my cat and listening to Taylor Swift, eagerly awaiting a text message I know will never come.
Although you may not think so after reading the first paragraph (can’t blame you, reading it made me cringe), I’m a pretty smart girl. I’m successful, I’m driven, I don’t take nonsense from anyone. Perhaps it is because of this that I took upon myself the task of changing this male, who has achieved notoriety in my sorority for wooing girls then dropping them faster than Nike dropped Tiger Woods, and turning him into a legitimate boyfriend. I have been so successful in life thus far because I take no prisoners. I always, always win. Plus I’ve got a pretty amazing personality, if I do say so myself. If I can’t change him, no one can. Right?
Wrong. It’s been said time and time again, but it needs to be said again. People don’t change. Sure, some of their traits may evolve over time, but who they are inherently pretty much stays the same from age 15 onwards. If a man is an independent spirit fond of experimenting with other independent spirits, there is a very low chance that anything you say, do, or bring to the table will make him hop down on his knee and request your hand. Despite what pop culture may tell you (Beauty and the Beast, Sex and the City, etc.), if a man is a beast, you cannot turn him into a prince by showing him kindness and devotion and the beauty and magic of love. You also cannot change him by playing hard-to-get. What happens when the chase stops and you actually fall for him? He has to want to be different; if he has zero intentions of settling down, then you, my friend, are SOL.
My roommate is more understanding of my present situation than I ever would be had the tables been turned, and she gave me a piece of advice that has stuck with me for days. She told me, “You’ll think it’s going to be different with you, but it won’t be.” Those words have been replaying themselves in my mind since this weekend, and I know it’s because they are true. We always tell ourselves it’s going to be different with us, because we’re better, we’re smarter, we’re sharper, and we know what we’re doing. Those other women just let themselves get too attached, were too naïve, missed the warning signs. That will never happen to us.
But it does happen, and it will continue happening. Case in Point: my roommate told me about how this same male brought her back to his apartment to show her the view from his (second story) balcony and try some homemade wine. Guess who was also treated to this routine? Yep. Yours truly.
Reputations are often earned for a reason, and if you know a man has a history of commitment issues, it is best to just let it go. Sometimes, the romanticized notions we have about relationships cloud our judgment and we allow our hearts to compromise our logic. Ultimately, if a man wants you, he will find every way to get to you. I have deleted this male’s number from my phone; if he wants to talk to me, he will. If he doesn’t, it’s on to the next one. We are young, smart, and pretty, after all; wouldn’t it be better to focus our attention on guys we know to be genuinely good instead of ones we have to work on?